Twelve years feels like a liftetime ago. It might as well be 100. Life is so different. I am so different. But not for the better.

Memories fade and we hang onto what we can to remember everything we can about Jax. Video, like the one below, helps. What I wouldn’t give to have him in my arms one more time.

Tonight our family will go watch the Angels battle the Oakland A’s to determine the worst team in the American League. What happens on the field is an afterthought. Instead, we will focus on our missed boy. His love for baseball. His smile. His voice. His kindness and his love. Jax is the star at the stadium tonight for us.

Enjoy the video below and remember our sweet boy with us today.

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CHOC’s Walk in the Park returns July 21. Whether it’s Disneyland or CHOC’s own determination, the cost to qualify as a walker has shot up astronomically over the years, so we’ve scrapped trying to get a full team going.

However, our family continues to walk in Jax’s memory. If you would like to donate to our team as we aim to raise hospital funds in his memory, click here. Click on the dollar sign for the member you want to donate to.

I tried writing a post entitled Why We Support CHOC to explain the importance giving back in Jax’s honor is to us. It started like this:

Jaxson died at 9:26 p.m. at Children’s Hospital of Orange County on June 24, 2012. He wasn’t born a preemie or cured for cancer at the hospital, much like many of the participants for Sunday’s CHOC Walk 2013. For about three hours, the hospital staff did everything they could to save our boy. But it was after he left us that the CHOC staff’s grace, compassion and solace left an overwhelming mark on my wife and I. We lost our boy, but it was if they lost him with us.

The rest of it is deeply intimate and I decided against posting it. I tried to figure out a way to make it less intimate, but to me, it loses the impact. Just know that for us, it’s a very meaningful cause that honors Jax’s very special spirit.

Thank you for remembering our sweet boy today and in July with team Iron Jax.

We love you all.