I woke up Saturday morning at 3:30. It wasn’t on purpose. I had to pee and grab a drink of water. When I lied back down, I wasn’t sleepy. Typically, this isn’t a problem for me. But this wasn’t a typical morning. It’s a day I was dreading. And, mostly because of that, I never did get back to sleep outside of 20 minutes before the twins woke me up a little after 8.
Jax died on a hot, sun-filled Sunday. Yesterday was the first June 24 that was a Sunday since he died six years ago. It was definitely sunny, and mostly hot. And I was dreading all of it. I didn’t want to pretend to be okay, and I really didn’t want to have to talk to anybody.
I managed to wear enough of a smiley face once we arrived at Angel Stadium, and it helped to watch the kids play at the Family Sunday zone before the game as friends and family snuck some shade under a tree and listened to mediocre kid-bop cover songs of some decent artists.
Soon it became a place of warmth (not just because it was hot), positivity and love. It wasn’t anything that was said or done. It was just loved ones, being with us in support, all together in whatever each of us were feeling – and not doing it alone.
I’m continually overwhelmed by the amount of love and support everyone has, continues to, and will give us as we continue to mourn the loss of Jax. I get lost in my own junk, and it clouds my vision of what’s real and what’s imporant, and it’s a day like yesterday that helps me to see and feel what is real, and what matters.
I love you all. My family loves you. And thank you.
I feel you on the just wanting to be alone and not talk to anybody. Maybe because it was the first Sunday anniversary, I don’t know, but yesterday felt harder than usual. Love you
Karis
Sorry Seth. The days of are so hard, especially when it’s the exact day. I’m glad you have so much support that comes out to support you and Kristina.
BTW you laid back down, you didn’t lied back down (sorry for being a word nerd, but I have to keep you straight).
I might be 3/4 of a country away from you, but I was there in spirit. Always will be big man.
Hi Seth and Kristina. I wanted you to know, I still every year, think of Jax and all of you. I know you wish life could have been different, but one thing I always remember from Jax funeral is, “Be glad because it happened”. I love you both to the moon and back and know that I will be praying for you. Barbara Conibear
I too realized it was so he 1st Sunday 😞. I can remember attending 5 pm mass and feeling a sense of peace (so much so I told Father that I had been moved by his homily and that I could handle anything). When I returned home John said he needed me to sit down and that he had something to tell me. I couldn’t have imagined what was coming. I miss him 💔 and look forward too seeing him again someday.
Seth,
You still fill me with all kinds of feelings as you write about your struggles and living life without your wonderful Jax.
We were sorry we couldn’t make it to the game this year. But we want you to know we continue to pray for you all and send our love to you all.
Hugs,
Donna & Brian
Your hearts will always hurt. you have a lot of us that care about you and pray for you..You are loved