One Year Later

For a few days I’ve racked my brain on what to post today. I wanted something special. Something symbolic and fitting of a year that’s passed since Jax died.

But there is no magic idea to make us all feel better today. It’s a day I have to let happen. I can’t just get through it. I have to be present as it takes place. I have to shed the tears, feel my heart squish in my chest and my stomach ache. Numbing the pain with distractions is temporary.

Tonight we’ll come together not just to remember Jax, because we remember him constantly. But to experience today together. To hug, laugh, cry and be present.

One year. It’s been both the shortest and longest year of my life, at the same time. I can’t believe it’s already been a year since it happened. But I feel like it’s been a life time since I heard his voice, gazed into his gorgeous eyes, held him in my arms, kissed his head and jumped in to his infectious passion.

I miss you, Jax.

I LOVE you,

Dad

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10 thoughts on “One Year Later

  1. I am so sad that I can’t be there today to share in all of the hugs & tears & friends gathering together! Knowing you will all be together today, remembering Jax, remembering so many things….our friendships, how we have been there for each other through so many things, sharing our lives…I want you to know how much I love you and hopefully in some way I can be there in Spirit! We remember Jax in our house quite a lot…he is a powerful Spirit even in his passing! I keep my button on our bedroom wall attached to a plaque that states…”they lived happily ever after”. I know this may seem ironic but in some way it touches me every time I pass it. He is living….of this I’m certain. I’m glad at least Rod can be there! Enjoy the day, may you sense God’s hand holding yours and know that Jax is right there too!

    Much Love!
    Denise

  2. Today, and every day, we are with you in spirit. Jaxson is one of the most beautiful babies I have ever seen. I can’t believe it has been a year of putting one foot in front of another, rolling out of bed in the morning and going on as if nothing has changed in our world. How does prayer change things if Jaz is not here with us? Our faith has been rocked, and yet we have to believe that we will see him again. Our prayers and our heart are with you all. We love you,

  3. I think of leaving a comment after each of your posts but as I reread what I wrote, it sounds so clique and/or just not right. I think I find a way to tell you and Kristina everything I want to say anyway so that is why I let it go and just don’t reply.
    Today is different though. I remember Jax everyday. He and your family are in our daily prayers. His picture is in my bedroom and with us in the car. As heavy as my heart is and as much as my eyes won’t stop leaking, I am thankful that we get to be a part of tonight. I love you guys! xoxo

  4. I have been in the same position as Megan recently. I can’t find the words so I just don’t. I don’t know how many times I tried to write to you on Father’s Day. Just please know that you guys are in my thoughts constantly and I’m always here if you need anything.

  5. Thinking about you all today with a heavy heart! We wish so badly that we could be there with all of you as you honor sweet Jaxson tonight. Seth, I love reading everything you write on this blog. Thank you for your courage, and thank you for inviting/allowing all of us to be on this journey with you in some small way. Lots of Love, Grace, and Peace to you today, and always…xoxo, from the Willeys.

  6. I’ve been staring at a blank comment box and blinking cursor on and off for several hours. I don’t know how you express yourself so well under the circumstances. I’ll sum it all up with I love you guys and we miss Jax. You are in our daily prayers.

  7. My heart absolutely aches for you guys. I think about you frequently and pray for you often. Like others, I have many times wanted to leave a comment but just don’t know what to say or just seems like not enough. Anyways, I know today was especially difficult for you and Kristina. It deeply saddens me to see pain of this magnitude in a coworkers eyes. I know Seth, that you have read books about the loss of a child. The pastor of our church, (Vineyard Christian Anaheim) Lance Pittluck, lost his 3 year old son many years ago. He is such a down to earth and humble man. If you wanted to talk to him I’m sure he would be happy to do so. Just trying to help. Our family continues to pray for you.

  8. I love reading your post. I cry through a lot of them. Then it’s always followed by a prayer. Passing mountain gate park Dailey reminds me of Jax every time. I am always remembering his smile and how good he played ball. I will forever keep your family in our prayers. I also still keep his button on my dresser in a bowl my little girl made me.

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