It’s been a couple of weeks since I last posted. Here’s what’s going on:
- I got a job. One day before our end date in my office, I shot off an email to a former client of mine. Later that day I had an interview scheduled for four days later. At the conclusion of the interview I was offered the job. I started work the next week. While the major stress of unemployment was avoided, it’s cut in to other parts of my life, which includes this blog. Due to the commute, I’m spending an extra hour and 45 minutes away from home, which results in babysitting issues when my wife works, less time with the family and no desire to sit in front of a computer for an hour. Also, I did quite a bit of writing while at my previous job. That’s not happening anymore.
- Two weeks ago the hope that life was turning around, things were going our (the family’s) way and dark times were behind us were crushed in an instant. I may write about it in the future, I may not. What’s important for you to know is it devoured my dreams, aspirations and energy. Fuck everything, is what I thought. Nothing matters. Especially not this blog.
So I went silent. It hardly seemed important to share my weekend, a stupid animated gif or whatever was kicking around in my head and heart.
On my Facebook page I shared a bit of what was going on when someone asked where my posts have been. Which led to encouragement from a couple of people, messages and texts of support and some songs/videos from a reader. I can’t be fixed. But I appreciate everyone trying.
(skip to the two-minute mark for the beginning of the song, if you wish)
I also received Peter Gabriel and Kate Bush’s “Don’t Give Up.” The video is cheesy-ass but the lyrics are strong and appropriate, especially Bush’s haunting chorus:
Don’t give up ‘cos you have friends
Don’t give up, you’re not beaten yet
Don’t give up, I know you can make it good
Don’t give up, you still have us
Don’t give up, we don’t need much of anything
Don’t give up ’cause somewhere there’s a place where we belong
Rest your head, you worry too much
It’s going to be alright when times get rough
You can fall back on us, don’t give up, please don’t give up
Don’t give up ’cause you have friends
Don’t give up, you’re not the only one
Don’t give up, no reason to be ashamed
Don’t give up, you still have us
Don’t give up now, we’re proud of who you are
Don’t give up, you know its never been easy
Don’t give up ’cause I believe there’s a place
There’s a place where we belong.
You can watch the video here. WARNING – There’s a whole lotta hugging going on.
I have every intention of returning to a normal posting schedule. I feel beaten, but I’m not going to give up. This is a place where we all belong. To be real. To share. To cry, to laugh, encourage and console.
Thank you for reading. Yesterday, today and tomorrow.
So sorry to hear something has hit the fan.
A multi-term veteran told me what he would say to new recruits who had just been through something horrendous: Eat. Sleep. Clean your weapon.
Hear that as one-foot-in-front-of-the-other; don’t try to make sense of it; take care of what can be taken care of; give it time.
Don’t give up, we are here for you. We need you.
I don’t know who sent you that song, but I wish it was me because every word is true and totally how I feel about you. What you guys have endured over the last several years is horrendous and makes no sense, but I am so proud of you and just want to walk with you through it, as much as I can. I love you so much and am always so thankful for your writing.
My son died almost 5 years ago. I can put on the mask every day & function, I can work, I can raise my surviving child, I can laugh and carry on – but there will always be a broken part of me that I carry around – it never leaves you. The silliest thing can set off a chain reaction of grief/anger/depression/apathy. The big things can see me spiral to an almost suicidal dark hole of utter shit. You are not alone. DONT give up. Ride it out the best you can. From one devastated lost & struggling human to another – I am thinking of you & I know how hard it can be to keep looking forward. But we must. I enjoy reading what you share & admire your eloquence and honesty. Just breathe. x
I agree with this. Hard but really true
I’ve been thinking about you….please write!!! Even if you don’t feel like it, we love everything. Let us be here for you.
I wondered how you have been and have missed your posts. I cannot say that I know how you are feeling, because that would be insulting. I can only send you love and support and prayers and hope for the future!
None of us can be “fixed”, but I am grateful you allow people to share in your brokenness. It’s brave.
I love you kiddo and am praying for you all. I have not totally experienced what you have but I had a baby in 1964 that died before he was born and still to this day I periodically think about him and how old he would be …..
This is hard Seth and I don’t think it ever goes completely away but I personally want to thank you for your openness and your heart of truth. If I can ever do anything besides pray please feel free to let me know.