The wife text me the image below this morning. I bawled immediately. The hurt rushed back to my heart and my throat swelled. It wasn’t long enough.

We celebrated Jax’s 15th birthday yesterday. Phoenix, who rarely watches anything other than Minecraft content on YouTube, chose Iron Man 3 to watch in the morning. Jax loved Iron Man as a super hero, and his baseball jersey was 3, so it seemed like a good fit and I loved his decision to honor Jax.

As we do, we visited the Natural History Museum of Los Angeles, where we learned that California has a state dinosaur. Who knew?!? It’s the Augustynolophus, which is a 10-foot tall omnivore with a duck-shaped bill and lived during the same period as the tyrannosaurus and triceratops. The state signed a bill in 2017 awarding Auggie (my nickname for it) the state’s official dinosaur. And despite annual visits to the dinosaur hall at the museum, this is the first I’m hearing about it.

Later we met up with family at Red Lobster for dinner, which is where we celebrated Jax’s fourth and last birthday with him on earth. We sang and blew out candles.

This year there were no signs, like in previous years. No incredible stories or happenstances. It was a day filled with missing our boy, celebrating those four years that we had with him and aching for more.

Happy Birthday, Jax. My love for you knows no limits. My heart aches beyond comprehension. And my soul longs to be with you again.

Skylar Brown 1985-2023

We missed you, Skylar. Thank you for the enormous love you showed Jax and all of our children.