jax birthday Archives - Smiling Through TearzSmiling Through Tearz

Last week, Kristina text me that National Puzzle Day is today, January 29. She came across a link about silly days of recognition. For example, February 5 is Chocolate Fondue Day. Go wild, people.

Jax loved puzzles. He started young, and enjoyed them up until the time he left us. At 3 he was assembling 100-piece puzzles. He had a distinct pose when he was in his puzzle zone – one knee on the floor, one knee up at his chest, with laser-like focus.

After the pool party the day he died, Jax was supposed to clean his room. Toys and puzzles covered the floor of his room, including the one below, which we’ve framed.

For today – Jax’s birthday – to be recognized as National Puzzle Day blows my mind. Puzzles were such a piece of him that we’ll always remember (sorry for the bad pun).

Today we’ll spend his birthday like we always do. We’ll drop off dinosaur cupcakes to his beloved preschool teacher and her class. We’ll pick the twins up early from school and head out to the National History Museum to explore the dinosaur exhibits and whatever else strikes our interest. Then we’ll meet up with family for dinner at Ruby’s Diner, one of his favorite places to eat.

Moving forward, it seems like we should add a new tradition to the day – putting together a puzzle.

Happy Birthday, Jax. My love for you knows no limits. My heart aches beyond comprehension. And my soul longs to be with you again.

Love you,

Dad

Jax turns 9 today. Last week I tossed grounders and pop-ups and threw batting practice to kids between 6 and 12 in our Little League for evaluations. It wasn’t lost on me when the 9-year-olds came up that Jax was missing.

On Wednesday night, as a Board member and Minors player agent of the league, I ran the draft for the 9 and 10-year-olds (and some 11s). It was at the house of the league’s president, who just happens to be the father of a boy in Jax’s first preschool class that he adored. One of the managers in the division is the mother of a player on Jax’s t-ball team.

I haven’t been able to stop fantasizing about what Jax would look like physically, and what kind of baseball player he’d be. The few 9-year-olds that I recognized at evals looked so grown up, and different, really. If I didn’t know their names, I wouldn’t have recognized them. Would I recognize Jax if I crossed paths with him?

It’s been a hard week, emotionally. The longing for him, the missing him. I mean, it always is leading up to his birthday. But throw evals and the draft on top of that, and I’m really having a hard time this week. Jax should be out there, too. It isn’t fair to leave him out of it. It’s B.S.

Today we’ll drive out to the Los Angeles Natural History Museum and celebrate Jax at one of his favorite places, then meet up with family at Ruby’s in Orange at the train station for what should be a beautiful night. It’s our tradition for our boy, and the only way we know how to celebrate his birthday at this point.

And the fantasies return. What would Jax want for his 9th birthday? What would he play with? Would he like riding bikes and scooters? Create Nerf battles with his brother and sister? I have no idea what 9-year-old boys do. Lego?

But I’m confident he’d still love baseball. As my uncle Bob posted a comment in a past birthday post “it’s in our blood.”