Jax Remembrance 2017 – Cars 3 at El Capitan Theatre

Posted on May 18, 2017 by Seth

We’re finally able to share the details the Jax Remembrance. We will be watching Cars 3 on Saturday, June 24 at 10 a.m. at the legendary El Capitan Theatre in Hollywood. Walt Disney Studios is reserving a bunch of seats for us at this show time. Tickets are $11 per person.

The past three years we’ve been fortunate enough to all gather at Angel Stadium and celebrate our sweet boy. This year, however, the Angels will be in Boston. But Disney (and maybe a higher power than The Mouse) scheduled Cars 3 to release the weekend of June 17, providing us a fantastic alternative to celebrate Jax and things he was passionate about. Which, no doubt, includes Cars.

Also, in the you-can’t-make-this-stuff-up category, Cars 3 features the debut of Jackson Storm, a rookie to the Piston Cup race scene, and beloved Lightning McQueen’s new rival. How cool is that?!?

Jackson Storm

Please let us know by June 8 if you would like tickets.

Note about parking: El Capitan will partially validate if you park at Hollywood and Highland. Bring your parking ticket with you to get validation, and then parking will cost you just $2 for up to 4 hours.

Happy 9th Birthday, Jax

Posted on January 29, 2017 by Seth

Jax turns 9 today. Last week I tossed grounders and pop-ups and threw batting practice to kids between 6 and 12 in our Little League for evaluations. It wasn’t lost on me when the 9-year-olds came up that Jax was missing.

On Wednesday night, as a Board member and Minors player agent of the league, I ran the draft for the 9 and 10-year-olds (and some 11s). It was at the house of the league’s president, who just happens to be the father of a boy in Jax’s first preschool class that he adored. One of the managers in the division is the mother of a player on Jax’s t-ball team.

I haven’t been able to stop fantasizing about what Jax would look like physically, and what kind of baseball player he’d be. The few 9-year-olds that I recognized at evals looked so grown up, and different, really. If I didn’t know their names, I wouldn’t have recognized them. Would I recognize Jax if I crossed paths with him?

It’s been a hard week, emotionally. The longing for him, the missing him. I mean, it always is leading up to his birthday. But throw evals and the draft on top of that, and I’m really having a hard time this week. Jax should be out there, too. It isn’t fair to leave him out of it. It’s B.S.

Today we’ll drive out to the Los Angeles Natural History Museum and celebrate Jax at one of his favorite places, then meet up with family at Ruby’s in Orange at the train station for what should be a beautiful night. It’s our tradition for our boy, and the only way we know how to celebrate his birthday at this point.

And the fantasies return. What would Jax want for his 9th birthday? What would he play with? Would he like riding bikes and scooters? Create Nerf battles with his brother and sister? I have no idea what 9-year-old boys do. Lego?

But I’m confident he’d still love baseball. As my uncle Bob posted a comment in a past birthday post “it’s in our blood.”

Happy Birthday, Jax. My love for you knows no limits. My heart aches beyond comprehension. And my soul longs to be with you again.

Love you,

Dad

OC Family Published My Story – Check It Out

Posted on December 27, 2016 by Seth

UPDATE 1:58 PM 12/29/16: Direct link is up, which you can find HERE.

UPDATE 3:25 PM 12/27/16: Apparently viewing the web version is not mobile friendly. But the good news is a direct link will be posted within the next week or so. Once I get that link I’ll update this post with it.

Just a quick note for those not following me on Facebook or Instagram.

OC Family today published an essay I wrote for them for their January edition, which can be found throughout Orange County starting today, or online at ocfamily.com. I wrote about Jax, dealing with grief and our New Hope (to borrow the Star Wars idea – Phoenix). On the top right click on the January digital magazine, go to page 60 and you’ll find it.

Just a reminder you can always follow me on Instagram @sethtearz or Facebook here.

CHOC Walk 2016 THIS SUNDAY – Team Iron Jax

Posted on October 27, 2016 by Seth

***This is for Walkers and non-Walkers!!!

Just a reminder that team Iron Jax is participating in the 2016 CHOC Walk to help raise funds for Children’s Hospital of Orange County. THERE’S STILL TIME TO DONATE to the team! $1, $5, $7000 – give whatever you can/would like and help us honor Jax as we raise funds for a very special place. You can donate here.

I tried writing a post entitled Why We Support CHOC to explain the importance giving back in Jax’s honor is to us. It started like this:

Jaxson died at 9:26 p.m. at Children’s Hospital of Orange County on June 24, 2012. He wasn’t born a preemie or cured for cancer at the hospital, much like many of the participants for Sunday’s CHOC Walk 2013. For about three hours, the hospital staff did everything they could to save our boy. But it was after he left us that the CHOC staff’s grace, compassion and solace left an overwhelming mark on my wife and I. We lost our boy, but it was if they lost him with us.

The rest of it is deeply intimate and I decided against posting it. I tried to figure out a way to make it less intimate, but to me, it loses the impact. Just know that for us, it’s a very meaningful cause that honors Jax’s very special spirit.

FOR THE WALKERS ON SUNDAY

We’re meeting at the lockers at the left in front of the Disneyland entrance. It’s the same place we met last year. The event starts at 6:15, we’re meeting at 6, but I urge everyone to try to be there earlier. Traffic is going to succcccccckkkkkkkkkkk. Here’s a link to helpful information about that day (parking, strollers, wheelchairs, etc, THE PARKING TRAM DOES NOT RUN!).

Please wear your Iron Jax shirts with capes (or red if you don’t have one). IF YOU NEED A CAPE LET US KNOW SO WE CAN BRING IT.

Thanks again to EVERYONE. We love you all, and we feel your love in return. And it means so much to us.

Visit my Iron Jax CHOC Walk page here.

Phoenix at Three Months

Posted on October 19, 2016 by Seth

Time flies. Phoenix is three months old today, which was my longest relationship before I met my wife when I was 20. RANDOM SETH TEARZ FACTOID.

If Phoenix was at a new job, he’d be eligible for health benefits by now. With that, I figured now is a perfect time to get some unseen photos out to y’all and fill you on what we know, so far, about this kid.

We call him “P”

We thought Finn (or Phinn) was a cute nickname, and Gray loved it because of the Star Wars The Force Awakens reference. But I don’t think any of us call him Phinn. He’s pretty much P, baby, or baby boy in our house.

Chubs

He’s chubby as all hell. Definitely the chubbiest baby we’ve had. Jax and Ellie had big cheeks, but Phoenix takes those big cheeks, and raises Jax and Ellie on the chest, abdomen and legs.

Great eater

Along with the chubs theme, I suppose, is that he’s a great eater. Always has been. My wife breastfeeds, and it’s not that he’s eating a lot or anything (he’s eating appropriate amount of ounces each day), it’s just that he’s much quicker and more efficient than the other kids. Jax hated bottles. Phoenix, in our few test runs, has excelled. The twins took forever to eat. My wife duel breast-fed, so she was dealing with two tired kiddos, or them finding each other to play with and distract, but Phoenix, when awake, knocks it out in 20 minutes and is ready to move on with life.

He loves his sibs

Phoenix is drawn to Gray and Ellie when he hears their voices. I’ll sometimes catch him smiling and flirting with them when they’re not paying attention to him. And vice versa, they’re super attached to him. A couple of weeks ago we went to Disneyland, and my wife and P stayed home. When Gray found out, he cried so hard, which isn’t like him at all. Normally he’d be like “Ok, well, peace out, I’m going to have a great day.” This time, he cried and cried like it tore at his soul that Phoenix wasn’t going to go with us. Ellie’s been playing a great mini mommy role, too, and has already changed a few pee diapers.

He wants to sit up

Since he was two weeks old, Phoenix has displayed an unusually strong neck/head. Now, when he’s laid back in a way, he tries to sit up. He wants to be up and involved, and with that spare tire around him, he just doesn’t have the muscles yet! He also hates playing the roll over game. He doesn’t want to do it, and he’d rather just munch on his hands in frustration.

He’ll be a yapper

Far and away, Phoenix is the most talkative baby we’ve had. And it’s not just making sounds. It’s legit conversations. The way he looks at me when we talk makes me feel like he’s having a deep connection with me. Maybe I’m just crazy. Last night I was hanging out with him, alone, and he was laying in the boppy pillow. I’d say hi and smile, he’d flash a huge grin back, and start cooing. After a bit, with nothing having changed, his bottom lip made a frown and quivered. His eyes got red. He started to do his complaining type voice/talking. He looked scared. Then his eyes watered. He was so sad! And I couldn’t figure out why. It’s like he was telling me about something that happened earlier in the day, or some deep down fear or pain he had. A few minutes later he was back to smiling and being goofy.

We’re all having a blast watching his personality develop. Hopefully some of these descriptions and photos give you an idea of who this little guy is today.

CHOC Walk 2016 – Team Iron Jax

Posted on August 25, 2016 by Seth

The CHOC Walk 2016 has two major changes this year:

It’s been pushed back in October to the last Sunday of the month – 10/30/16.
The minimum amount to raise per Walker has increased to $85 (from $65).

With that being said, let’s get team Iron Jax rolling! Kristina has created our team and I’ve signed myself and the twins up. Undecided if you want to come walk with us? Phoenix will be there, so come see him!

Why do we do the CHOC Walk? Jax passed away at CHOC’s pediatric intensive care unit. The entire staff was so compassionate to us and treated us with so much respect that this is our little way to give back to the hospital and the community in memory of our little hero. I wrote this pretty detailed, gut-wrenching post that explains it more, but we decided not to post it. It’s very personal. Maybe if Kristina gets enough texts, emails, Facebook messages and courier pigeons requesting the post, she’ll give the OK to post.

What is the CHOC Walk?

The Children’s Hospital of Orange County annually raises funds to support the care, services, research and education that CHOC provides children. Since its start in 1990, the CHOC Walk in the Park has raised over $24 million, with funds supporting education, research, and adoption and utilization of the latest technologies to advance the health and well-being of children. It’s a 5k walk (crawl) through Disneyland and California Adventure.

You do not receive entrance into the parks after the Walk, however, as in the past, walkers have the chance to buy discounted tickets on the day of the event. Park Hopper tickets (which allows you to hop between Disneyland and California Adventure) are $83, while Disneyland-only tickets are $55. A maximum of 5 tickets can be purchased per wristband. The tickets expire 11/30/16 and you cannot go between 11/19-11/23.

How to Register

Go here and click on Search for a Team and enter Iron Jax as the team name. This pulls up Iron Jax in the search results. Click on the name. At the right of the team page you’ll see the active roster and a “Join Team” button. Click it.

You can sign up as Fundraising Bear (no fee required but you’ll need to raise $85 minimum) or as a Busy Bear, which just means you’ll pay an extra $10 to have your t-shirt and wristband (required to participate) mailed to you.

Sponsor a Walker

If you’d like to simply make a donation as a non-team member, click here. Full disclosure, that takes you to my personal page. Click the “Donate Now” button to proceed. If you want to donate to a specific person on Iron Jax, go to the Iron Jax main page, click on the Walker you want to donate in the name of and go from there. Please keep in mind to walk, a Walker needs to have raised a minimum of $85. Children ages 3 and up are required to be Walkers, while ages 2 and under are free.

Must Read

CHOC created two pages worth reading before the event. Please refer to these pages for any questions that you may have:

Frequently Asked Questions

Event Information

Matching Gift Program

Prizes

As an incentive, CHOC has laid out a prize structure which is found here.

Thank you for helping us keep Jax’s memory alive. It means so much to our family to give back to the community, and we couldn’t do it without your help.

Baby’s Name & One Week Update

Posted on July 27, 2016 by Seth

On day three of our hospital stay, two hours before scheduled discharged, we finally decided on a name. Mainly because the birth records department forced us to. We picked Phoenix, which I’ll explain in a few, and Davis as his middle name. Davis was my wife’s grandmother’s maiden name.

Phoenix weighed an even eight pounds and stretched out to 20 inches long. The registered nurse at Monday’s mother/baby assessment said he was strong and fierce. He’s loud – though not as loud as Gray was – and has no problem screaming his displeasure. He’s a fantastic eater and is peeing and pooping right on schedule.

Mommy is recovering okay after the c-section. She says it’s been harder compared to recovering after the c-section with the twins. I guess being five years older will do that to you.

We chose Phoenix purely for the symbolism of it all. The name was fine, but we liked another name better, if we’re comparing apples to apples. But damn the symbolism of Phoenix. I couldn’t shake it.

The phoenix represents renewal and resurrection. Mythology states that when it feels near the end, it sets itself on fire, and out of the ashes, a new phoenix arises. Death, transformation and renewal. When Jax died four years ago, the death beset our family, only to be followed up by the loss of our church, a major loss for our family, and then three miscarriages. We’ve been transformed, and not for the best. We’re just…different. Hardened. Aged. Jaded. A new appreciation of the fragility of life. A lesser fear of death.

And then the renewal. It’s been noted as a cleansing. Wash away the death and all that came with it. For our family, this baby represents that. He’s brought us hope. A new sense of life and energy.

Another plus for Phoenix is the initials. Months ago, when we started thinking of names, the wife suggested something with the initials of PD. Jax had two best buddies – Moo, a stuffed animal cow we got at the Orange County Fair when he was 2, and PD, a prairie dog he chose from the San Diego Zoo shortly after Moo joined our family.

Moo and PD had a birthday party. Here’s PD wearing his presents.

Since we couldn’t come up with something that would feature Moo as a nickname, PD became a goal for us. In the middle of June, the wife text me the idea of Phoenix. Swapping name ideas became a hobby for us. Usually it was me throwing something silly out there, like O’Shea or Wally, and the wife shooting it down.

But when she suggested Phoenix, it grabbed me. Hard. The twins preferred it. Gray suggested calling him Finn (Phinn), largely for the Star Wars The Force Awakens reference I imagine. A friend of ours suggested Nix. Right now, we just call him baby.

Smiling Through Tearz

Author Archives: Seth