Unemployed, Ellie Knows My Name and Rick Warren Comes to Corona – How Was Your Weekend?

Posted on August 10, 2013 by Seth

Friday

I’m officially laid off. Those of us left in the office spent our last hours clearing out our desks, turning in keys and idling around while we waited for our flexible time off checks to arrive. I didn’t notice any tears, except for the customer service rep from sales that seemed to take it really hard. Their jobs are safe, for now. She wept for us while we wore our “it ain’t no thang” faces. I think we were all more focused on getting our drank on.

Down to the parking lot we moved, where one festive co-worker brought a flavored Malibu Rum bottle. Another grabbed a Coke from the vending machine and plastic cups from the kitchen. We stood in a circle sipping on a taste of summer. In essence, this was our collaborative sigh. All the stuff that we’ve endured for the past five months, five years or decades, for some, is behind us. We’re free to move on. To what, we don’t know. And that part’s scary. But we’ll all find our paths. And we’ll look back on this as a forced blessing.

A yard of Bud Light, from the Yard House.

We moved the party from the parking lot to the Yard House where I got the small beer pictured above. Remember the famous scene from When Harry Met Sally? I think the lady in the background is planning a remake.

My wife worked so the twins and I hung out with the family of one of her co-worker’s. On the way there, I flipped the radio to the Angel game to catch the final frames. During a commercial break I switched back to music, and Gray was not pleased. He’s really good at whining, so that started as he moaned “More Angels.” I tuned it back and as the game returned, Gray began a “Let’s go Angels” chant. This was new. He kept repeating it to the point of annoyance. I tried to mix in some clapping for him, and showed him how.

“LET’S GO ANGELS!” clap clap clapclapclap. He told me that was silly. A few minutes later he slapped his leg in a display of “Okay, I’ll clap, but I’m just using one hand, and it’s still silly, Dad.”

At the house our friend made us and his five kids a breakfast dinner. Ellie loves her some pancakes and Gray, while pretty picky, can’t deny him some sizzled bacon, so it was a good fit. We chowed. The kids played. And it was an uneventful night at the hospital for our wives. It was a good night.

Saturday

“Are you Seth?” Ellie asked me during breakfast. I stared at her blankly.

“Huh?” I replied.

“Are you Seth?” she repeated.

“Yes,” I answered. She shouldn’t know my name. The hell?

“I’m Ellie,” she said. “That’s Gray.” She tilted her head to her right. That was the whole conversation. Twilight Zone shit.

My wife’s party favors.

We celebrated my brother-in-law’s success in school and a recent job working in the field of environmental science. My wife and her mom, never the ones to simply blow up some balloons and order a pizza, threw together a school-themed party featuring brown-bag covered books, globes, lined brown paper (found only in elementary schools) as place mats and a photo booth filled with props.

Sunday

I was getting Ellie dressed to head off to our second trip to Saddleback Church. As I pulled a summer dress over her head and straightened it out, I saw too much exposure up top. Since my wife didn’t like my idea to tape the top like the celebs do on Oscar night, we switched dresses. Which is increasingly becoming a problem.

“I no want to where that dress from Target” Ellie scowled. She’s 2. Almost 2-and-a-half. Her grammar blows but she sure knows her fashion. I don’t even know where the dress came from. Somehow I got it on her and we got out of the house.

Rick Warren, Saddleback’s lead pastor, decided to attend the Corona campus today. And he brought a whole mess of other people with him. Last week there were 500 attendees between two services. This week that number catapulted to 1,200. He jumped on stage to worship, spoke to us before the video sermon aired and dawned some board shorts after the service for baptism. It was cool and all, but it’ll be nice not to have to hunt for a seat next week.

After naps the twins and I met my sister, her husband and my nephew at Tom’s Farms to let the kids explore and munch on some tasty burgers. We found them finishing up a train ride which was right next to a raised stage. Gray and Ellie feel super at home on stage and spent most of the night running, jumping and dancing on the platform.

My wife’s grandpa built them a stage last Christmas to feed into their love of performing The Lumineers songs. Enjoy this video from Christmas night.

Man, they look little.

(T)GIF – My Last Day in the Office

Posted on August 9, 2013 by Seth

For those of you that don’t know, today is my last day at work. Our office is closing and the work is moving to Phoenix, Arizona. I wasn’t interested in the company’s relocation offer. I have a rule against living anywhere that resembles Mercury.

After today, I’m officially laid off. Monday you can find me at the soup kitchen with all the other unemployeds.

(T)GIF is a regular Friday feature at Smiling Through Tearz. Know of an animated gif that makes you tinkle with laughter, cry or cringe that you think should be featured at STT? Let me know at seth@smilingthroughtearz.com.

Survival Strengthens the Soul

Posted on August 7, 2013 by Seth

In the short time since I’ve created this blog, I’ve met many other parents that have lost a child. Many of them read the site, either sporadically or regularly. There’s a kinship among us. We relate to each other the way our best friends can’t. We’re drawn to each other. They know exactly how I’ve felt, what I’m feeling now and what I’ll feel next year.

This post is geared specifically towards my bereaved crew. We’re all at various stages of our loss. It’s been 13 months for me. For others I know, it’s only been a month. For some of you reading this, unfortunately, maybe it’s something that will happen in the future.

It’s a post of hope. It’s something to read when you’re in the pit. When you don’t feel like you can climb out. When you don’t feel like anyone hears your cries for help.

George Anderson is a medium. On his website he claims to have had a special relationship with souls since he was 6, and he’s dedicated his life to helping the bereaved cope with loss. According to a post on a message board for families that have lost a child, Anderson wrote these words.

This post isn’t to vouch for his abilities or credibility. Like I’ve written before, it’s all confusing to me. I just wanted to spread his message, which I hope can comfort either yourself or your loved ones that have or will experience tremendous loss. I hope it helps.

It’s become typical–yet still always surprising–to hear from souls during a session who were themselves bereaved parents on the earth, that not only was the struggle of their lifetime here necessary, but “worth it.” That’s a rather spectacular statement to make, considering how we already know how difficult the path of a bereaved parent is. Let’s face it–things have to be pretty darn good in the hereafter for (formerly) bereaved parents to tell us here that every minute of the struggle here to continue after a devastating loss is not only worth the immense cost to us, but it was necessary to their spiritual growth and reward in their new world of joy.

The souls tell me that reunion with the children they longed so much to see again is breathtaking, and one of the most curious things they encounter is that with regard to appearances, not a second seemed to have passed since they last saw their children. It seems literally as if we pick up exactly where we left off, and that only once we are comfortable, we get to see the progression of the souls of our children almost exactly as it would have happened on the earth. It’s one of the joys the souls are most happy about–not having lost a minute of their child’s growth and maturity.

What is so encouraging about sessions like these, where bereaved parents “talk” to parents here, is that they don’t try to minimize the entire spiritual journey of a parent here by tossing out phrases like “it all gets better” or “you do get rewarded, so relax”–they take the journey both they and we have gone through with a seriousness that is unlike any other time in sessions. The experience of having lost a child on the earth and having struggled through the most difficult challenge of this lifetime (their words) has not at all been forgotten by the souls–but it has been forgiven, since they now see the arc of their lives, and the lives of their children, and how necessary it all was as a means to a magnificent end.

I can’t make you feel better when your heart is broken by just telling you that as a bereaved parent, it will get better one day–that is part of the spiritual lesson each of us will learn here. But I can remind you that when life seems at its most cruel and hopeless, parents just like you survived it. They not only survived, but they found everything they had lost, and much, much more. I hope the example of these brave souls and their incredible words can at least help us understand that there is Light ahead, and no matter how hard it is, we have to keep walking toward that Light, where everything we love and have lost is waiting for us in a world where no harm will ever come to our loved ones or us again. From your sisters and brothers who walked the same path as you, and came out the other side in joy, you know they can be trusted to tell you the truth. And it’s pretty spectacular.

I can’t wait to see Jax again. And if it really feels like not a minute has passed, it will be a glorious moment when we reunite. I can’t wait to rub my hand across that chicken-head hair of his.

Some of my bereaved brothers feel the same. To the point that perhaps they’ve seriously considered speeding up the process. It’s crossed my mind. I’m sure it’s at least crossed all of our minds for a second. But the hell we’re in isn’t for nothing.

So stay strong. When you’re not, let others carry you. When you’re feeling strong, let others lean on you. And when we do finally see our kids again, we’ll know surviving this hell was worth it.

County Fair and We Go Back to Church – How Was Your Weekend?

Posted on August 5, 2013 by Seth

Friday

I left work early and we drove down to Costa Mesa to hit up the Orange County Fair. Since Jax was born this has been an annual tradition for our family. We have the photo booth strips to prove it.

Maybe announcing “Okay, kissy face!” was a bad idea in the second pic. Damnit, Gray, CLOSE YOUR MOUTH WHEN YOU KISS YOUR SISTER!

From noon – 4 p.m. certain fair food was $2 and the children’s area was $2 for rides and games. We packed in carne asada tacos, garlic fries and shaved ice in the 90 minutes we had to exploit the offer. Oddly, the kids didn’t want to go on any rides. They cried hysterically on the carousel. Ellie panicked on the motorcycles (they go around in a circle) to the point that the ride’s operator told us that they’d prefer not to the scar kid if they’re scared. All I wanted was for him to pound that start button, because I knew she’d be okay once it started. He finally did. When she got off, she told me she had so much fun. Her face was red and swollen from crying.

Sunset at the OC Fair. No filter.

We saw farm animals, watched the pig races and chowed down. Don’t bother with the fried Klondike. Unless you like bland mush.

At night a Sublime tribute band, 40 Oz to Freedom, performed at The Hangar. Gray’s obsessed with live music and stood at the front of the railing that separates the paid audience from the mooching fair crowd, chewing on his hands (a nervous habit) and surrounded by adults sipping on beers. Eventually we moved towards the back of the pack for some space.

As Gray straddled my shoulders, Ellie felt the music from the stroller.

She looks like the second-hand smoke got to her. But I assure you, this was a smoke-free environment.

Saturday

We went over to the Corona Farmer’s Market to pick up some fresh fruit and veggies. They should really change the name to A Bunch of Pop Up Tents in an Old Parking Lot Market. I think that Sears sign is about as old as me. ANCIENT.

At night my wife and her mom worked on some party-planning activities, so the kids watched another of the Pirates of the Caribbean flicks. I think it was the third one. Honestly, I have no idea wtf was going on. The sound wasn’t super loud, I didn’t really pay attention, and it appears this was the third movie in the franchise. So we have no idea what happened in the second. But it seemed like the director took a substantial amount of mushrooms to do the film. He was probably paid in mushrooms. “Forget the points on the back,” he must’ve told the studio. “I want mushrooms.”

Sunday

Earlier in the week my counselor told me that Saddleback Church’s pastor Rick Warren returned after 16 weeks following his son’s suicide. He started a series called “How to Get Through What You Go Through.” My counselor handed me a sheet of notes she received when she attended his first service back. The sheet outlined the upcoming topics in the series, which I identified with immediately. I told my wife about it and we decided to visit a church for the first time since our church closed in May.

Warren breaks down six different emotional steps of crisis. His and mine relate to the death of a child, however he said this also is for people who have lost their job, a relationship or have been diagnosed with a serious illness.

Saddleback Corona makes its home at Santiago High School. We made it to the 11 a.m. service, got the kids registered for their class and found the auditorium for the service. The satellite church (the main church is in Lake Forest) has its own worship band and pastor. Then we watch Warren’s sermon from the night before on video.

In the middle of it Warren’s wife prayed. She asked those that are going through a crisis to stand. I kept my big butt in my seat, but my wife was ballsy enough to stand up. I sobbed during the whole prayer. Every single thing she said was spot on. Throughout the sermon I found myself hoping for less scripture and more of Warren’s own account of his feelings, emotions and experience. This is what I thirst for. What I yearn for. It’s what I identify with.

He talked about the day his son died. He stood in the driveway of his son’s home with his wife, and minutes after they arrived friends came to support them. They didn’t talk. They just placed hands on Warren’s shoulders. They were simply present. Words weren’t needed. But touch was. That night these same friends slept at Warren’s house. On his couches, his floor, anywhere. They didn’t want him and his wife to be alone.

I flashed back to the night Jax died. The hospital waiting room was packed with our family and friends. Most waited to come hug us after he died. To cry with us. Their tears were enough for us. Words weren’t needed. And if they were spoken, I don’t remember what was said. But I remember everyone’s presence.

Anyway, we decided to go back through the end of the series in early September. This is exactly what we need to hear right now.

(T)GIF – Drunk Big Bird

Posted on August 2, 2013 by Seth

My guess is Big Bird’s go-to drink is a white wine spritzer.

The Time I Applied For The Jim Rome Show

Posted on July 31, 2013 by Seth

Throughout high school and college I often listened to The Jim Rome Show. Jim Rome is a popular sports talk radio show host known for controversy, pleading for callers to “have a take a don’t suck” and his legions of followers called clones.

A year out of college I worked as an account coordinator at an Orange County public relations firm. I applied for a writing position on The Jim Rome Show for shits and giggles. I believe at the time Rome broadcasted out of Burbank or Woodland Hills. Or Sherman Oaks. It’s all the same to me. At the time I lived in Orange. The commute would’ve been hell.

But it was a writing gig. About sports. I knew Rome’s style. I knew his gloss (vocabulary Rome developed over years). It’d be a dream job.

I applied and received an email from Travis Rodgers, Rome’s producer at the time and now sports talk radio show host himself. We spoke on the phone for a few minutes and he asked me to submit a writing sample.

I never heard from Rodgers again.

A Smiling Through Tearz EXCLUSIVE, here is the failed writing sample that didn’t get me a call back for The Jim Rome Show.

But first, a Wiki snippet of background about the piece’s star, former outfielder Carl Everett.

Everett is quite outspoken with his beliefs, and his remarks have proven controversial on several occasions. Perhaps the best-known of these was his denial of the existence of dinosaurs. He was quoted as saying, “God created the sun, the stars, the heavens and the earth, and then made Adam and Eve. The Bible never says anything about dinosaurs. You can’t say there were dinosaurs when you never saw them. Somebody actually saw Adam and Eve. No one ever saw a Tyrannosaurus rex.” He also derided fossils of dinosaur bones as man-made fakes.^[3] In reference to these comments, Boston Globe columnist Dan Shaughnessy dubbed Everett “Jurassic Carl.” Everett, in turn, referred to Shaughnessy as the “curly-haired boyfriend” of Globe beat writer Gordon Edes.^[4]

Everett in an interview with Shaughnessy, questioned the validity of the Apollo Moon Landing.^[5]

Each season in the MLB, Everett tended to get into altercations with umpires. Some of these tirades have resulted in suspensions and fines. Everett’s longest suspension came during the 2000 season after an incident in which he bumped heads with umpire Ron Kulpa while arguing Kulpa’s ruling that Everett’s batting stance was illegal. Everett was suspended for 10 games and fined $5,000. Everett has stated that he thrives on being hated, and that it keeps him on top of his game. Opposing players, umpires, and even his own teammates are not immune, as evidenced by his postgame shouting match with Seattle manager Mike Hargrove after a 14-6 loss to the Los Angeles Angels on July 5, 2006.^[6]

Everett has also made controversial remarks about homosexuality. He once said that if he had an openly gay teammate that he would consider retiring, or, at the very least, “set him straight.” In the 2005 season, he told Maxim that he has had gay teammates and accepted them, but, “Gays being gay is wrong. Two women can’t produce a baby, two men can’t produce a baby, so it’s not how it’s supposed to be. … I don’t believe in gay marriages. I don’t believe in being gay.”^[7]

In 2011, Everett was arrested at his home in Tampa on charges of aggravated assault with a deadly weapon and tampering with a witness. Everett reportedly held a handgun to the head of his wife of 18 years.^[8]

~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~

March 6, 2003

Travis –

Here’s my writing sample. I’m trying to sneak it in before the show starts, in case you guys refer to it today. If you need anything else from me, by all means, let me know. Thanks again for the opportunity.

Seth Tearz

Thump is in midseason form. And no, I’m not referring to Texas Rangers outfielder Carl Everett’s timing of his swing or the strength of his legs.

The all-around bad guy went OFF on John Gonzalez of the Dallas Observer in the Rangers clubhouse as Gonzalez interviewed Thump for this week’s cover story on the Texas Rangers. According to Gonzalez, Everett dropped a tirade of F-bombs and got into a screaming match with Gonzalez after the reporter asked some tough questions.

But really, who can blame Thump? This isn’t Watergate, it’s spring training. These tough questions just don’t belong. You know, tough questions such as:

“Are you ready for center field duties?”
And…”What’s it like playing for Buck Showalter?”
Or, worst of all…”Do you think you can contend this year?”

Obviously irritated by these OUTRAGEOUSLY inappropriate questions, Thump responded like any normal person would.

“If you’re gonna ask some f-ing ridiculous questions, then I’m gonna give you some f-ing ridiculous answers…I mean, that’s just f-ing ridiculous.”

“Asking me, how do I like Buck? Asking me, can we contend? That’s some stupid f-ing s**t. That’s some s**t your editor told you to come down here and ask.”

– Carl Everett

Classic Thump right there. Carl, check yourself. We know you hate the media. But what else do you expect them to ask you!? It’s spring training for crying out loud. Asking about a previous injury, a new manager and the team’s expectations for the year are pretty common right now.

What would you prefer to talk about? How dinosaurs never roamed the Earth? How man never landed on the moon?

“Carl, tell us how those large bones found by scientists that fit together like a puzzle aren’t from dinosaurs.”

“Hey, Carl. Give me your insight on how the government used Hollywood magic to create astronauts planting a US flag in the moon.”

Thump, you play baseball. That’s your job. You get paid millions to play it, and part of your responsibility is to spend a few minutes a day answering innocent questions. Stop threatening the media. They’re just doing their jobs. Listen to the questions and fire back with an answer. It’s that simple.

Note to Fatty – If the ancient bones that scientists dug up look like a giant bird, then it probably is a Pterodactyl. Unless you think that blue jays were six feet tall a thousand years ago.

And last thing. You’re not Oliver Stone, so stop selling your conspiracy theories and start tracking down fly balls and digging for doubles. Your teammates might actually start respecting you.

Cheshire Murders, Journey Tribute Band and Bite Marks – How Was Your Weekend?

Posted on July 29, 2013 by Seth

I just wrote this about Albert Pujols over at Bugs & Cranks if you want to check it out later.

Friday

On my morning commute to work I juggle my radio listening between The Dan Patrick Show, The Travis Rodgers Show, ESPN’s Colin Cowherd (if either of the other two are on a commercial break) and Kevin & Bean. I’ll stoop to KIIS-FM or Amp Radio if all the others are airing commercials. Oh how I miss Sirius.

Earlier in the week Dan Patrick discussed The Cheshire Murders documentary he watched on HBO. For some reason, I subjected myself to the horror Patrick described. To cut to it, the film is very well done. But it’s hard to watch. Very hard to watch. According to HBO’s website, the film “explores the triple rape-arson-homicide that rocked the quiet town of Cheshire, CT.” While it details the events of the horrific burglary of the Petit family in 2007, it also raises questions about the police’s handling of the crisis and examines whether the men charged with the heinous crimes deserve the death penalty.

If you don’t mind your soul getting a little dirty, watch it.

Saturday

Multiple times a day I check my blog’s stats. How many visitors come to the site, which pages they’re viewing, where they’re from in the world, etc. I can even see what search terms were entered into Google that led a visitor to my site. Sometimes I come across some odd stuff, but Saturday I had the pleasure of hosting a visitor with the highlighted inquiry below:

To the man or woman (I know, I know, 99 percent chance it’s a man) who landed on my site from that search query, thank you for visiting, and I do hope your first “experience” was excellent.

At night we celebrated my dad’s birthday at Woodranch restaurant at The Shops Dos Lagos in Corona. Through August 17 the upscale shopping center is hosting “Rockin’ at Dos Lagos” in one of the parking lots. This night DSB, a Journey tribute band performed. The place was packed. The band sounded good and they reaffirmed Gray’s wish to have his own band. But from what he and Ellie said, they’re going to be fighting over who plays the drums. I think Gray finally conceded and said he’ll play the guitar. But he doesn’t want to sing.

As Gray rooted DSB on, I found Ellie doing this.

If you know my wife, you’ll know Ellie’s urge to clean is buried deep within her DNA. But I feel pretty uncomfortable with her need to clean the stick man’s crotch repeatedly.

Sunday

My wife worked Friday and Saturday nights so I talked the kids into going to the park to play with their new soccer ball. I went to a park without a playground to avoid any distractions. Apparently I underestimated the power of a tree and pebbles, or anything that wasn’t soccer related. Ellie dribbled and scored twice before taking off to join Gray who decided to run 300 yards away. Once I herded them back they pretended to “work” on a tree with rocks.

Ellie took full advantage of her lunch break.

Earlier in the morning they were playing on my bed with the iPad. They jockeyed for viewing position and control over which apps to launch and that point, Ellie became pretty upset. But Gray held his position. There was some wrestling, but neither of them cried or complained much.

When we got back from the park I noticed this on Gray’s right forearm.

Bite marks. I asked Ellie if she bit him, which she copped to. I asked why and she said it was because of the iPad. I guess those five minutes of Sharknado I let them watch just before bed the night before was a bad idea.

Once my wife woke up she asked Gray where her iPod touch was. She likes to catch up on emails and Facebook to help wake her up. Gray ran to my room to get her device. After a couple of quiet minutes, I went to check on him.

At night we dropped the kids off at my parents and went to dinner before catching The Way, Way Back, a film which premiered at the Sundance Film Festival and has a very familiar feel to Little Miss Sunshine. It doesn’t help that it stars two of that movies actors, Steve Carrell and Toni Collette. While not as memorable as Sunshine, this one delivers a charming, funny, coming-of-age tale set in the summer on the east coast. If it doesn’t want to make you quit your job and work at an outdated water park, then nothing will.

Here’s a trailer. We both dug it.