It’s Friday, Friday….gotta get down on Fri…
Ugh, nevermind. But ya, it’s Friday. It’s raining and thundering across southern California. Maybe you need some help to kick-start your day. If this doesn’t make you feel more awesome, then you’re dead inside.
(T)GIF is a regular Friday feature at Smiling Through Tearz. Know of an animated gif that makes you tinkle with laughter, cry or cringe that you think should be featured at STT? Let me know at seth@smilingthroughtearz.com.
While deciding on songs to use during the video for Jax’s remembrance I came across Jack Johnson’s “Go On.” While my wife purchased the album Sleep Through the Static, I never recall hearing this tune. Taylor Swift’s “Ronan” deservedly drew the majority of everyone’s attention who viewed the video. However, I wanted to bring attention to this song, as well.
Jax LOVED Jack Johnson. My wife listened to his music constantly while Jax was in utero and the little dude came out constantly comforted by Johnson’s soothing voice and laid back guitar. When he was 4, while in the back of our minivan, my wife told me Jax once shouted his disagreement with the radio choices “I only want Jack Johnson or rock and roll!” He was pissed at what I can only assume was KIIS-FM playing.
Anyway, here are the lyrics and the song on YouTube below.
In my rearview
I watch you watching the twilight
Behind the telephone lines
Nothing to prove, or to assume
Just thinking that your thoughts are different than mine
In my rearview
I watch you
I give you your life, would you give me mine?I see you slowly swim away
Cause the light is leaving town
To a place that I can’t be
There’s no apologiesJust go on
Just go on
There’re still so many things
I wanna to say to you
But go on
Just go on
We’re bound by blood that’s moving
The moment that we start
The moment that we startI see perfect little eyes
Watch the shadows of the clouds
And the surface of the ocean out the window of a plane
I get nervous when I fly
I’m used to walking with my feet
Turbulence is like a sigh that I can’t help but over thinkWhat is the purpose of my life
If it doesn’t ever do
With learning to let it go
Live vicariously through you
You can do the same
It’s the least you can do
Cause it’s a lonely little chain
If you don’t add to itSo go on
Just go on
There’s still so many things
I wanna say to you
Go on
Just go on
We’re bound by blood and love
The moment that we start
Just go on
Just go on
There’re still so many things
I wanna say to you
Just go on
Just go on
We’re bound by blood that’s moving
The moment that we start
The moment that we start
Often times I feel like Ren Hoek, the grimacing Chihuahua above on the right, from Ren and Stimpy. But I’d rather feel like Stimpy, the barrel-chested feline on the left with the catchphrase “Oh, Joy!” I’m tired of anger. I’m tired of being grumpy. BRING TO ME UNADULTERATED JOY!
Or, at the least, bring me some peace.
The website Elite Daily recently posted The 20 Things You Need To Let Go To Be Happy. Ashley Fern, who you may know from other posts such as Why You Should Chill the F Out With your PDA and The Reasons Why Nice Guys Always Finish Last, states the following:
The biggest factor holding us back from achieving our dreams is, simply and sadly, our own selves. We put limitations on ourselves everyday, whether intentionally or unintentionally. There are so many ways we can alleviate these restraints.
Remember, life can either be something you embrace or something you hide from. Stop making things complicated and just live your life. It would be so much simpler and more enjoyable if we learned to just release certain limitations.
As a fairly pessimistic person, especially recently, I tend to fall into many Fern’s listed “things.” These are the top five that I struggle with.
1. The Approval of Others
Fern: Who gives a sh*t what other people think? If you are happy with the decisions you have made, then whose business is that but your own? Think of how much you could achieve if you stopped letting other people’s opinions dictate the way you live your life. Do you, and engage in whatever actions you think might better your life.
Um, I GIVE A SHIT WHAT OTHER PEOPLE THINK! I have since I was 5-years-old, maybe longer. I care if you think I’m smart, handsome, funny, nice. I care if you think my clothes are lame, or if my hair looks stupid, or if you think I’m wrong. Now, I might care a tad less than I did 13 months ago, but I still care. And I hate that about me. I hate allowing others define my self worth. I don’t know how to do me (Well…I mean I do, but not in this….just nevermind). As long as I could remember this is what’s driven my actions, my decisions. What will my parents think? What will my wife think? What will my friends think? What will that stranger I just met who seems kind of nice think? IT’S EXHAUSTING!
7. The Idea That Good Fortune Will Arrive At Your Doorstep
Fern: You need to go out into the world and actively look for fulfillment. You cannot take a backseat in life and expect things to happen for you. Appreciate the life you live, and be grateful for what you have. Value each minute of every day. Live like there’s no tomorrow, and make the most out of any situation.
If expecting things to happen for you is taking the backseat in life, then my butt’s stuck in the last row of the Rose Bowl.
8. Excuses
Fern: Make no time for excuses. You want to work out, but you don’t have the time? Wake up early and get your gym on. Excuses are only rationalizations that make you feel better about yourself for not doing something you want/need to be doing. You desire results? Stop bitching, and start doing.
I can rationalize just about anything in my head. Not exercising is a big one. How come I’m eating that double double with animal style fries today? Oh, because I’m sad. I deserve this. Two days later. How come I’m eating that double double with animal style fries again today? Because it’s Friday, bitches! Let’s celebrate!
11. Procrastination
Fern: Stop thinking you will finally get to whatever task is at hand tomorrow. Live in the present, and get your sh*t done when it needs to be done. Maximize your time to the best of your ability. Complete each task you need to as soon as you can. This allows you to feel free from worry and stress by getting things out of the way as soon as possible. You also allow yourself more free time to enjoy the things you love.
I do my best when I’m up against time. A lot of us think that, don’t we? I know I do. Or at least I like to think I do. Just because you haul ass pumped up on adrenaline to complete a deadline doesn’t mean it’s your best effort. And the anxiety I feel about dreaded tasks or a giant to-do list eats at my sanity. Seems easier to get my stuff done early, wipe away the worry and have time to correct any mistakes, right? Rigggghhhhht.
13. Negativity
Fern: What you put out into the universe will come back to you, so change the way you think, immediately. Stop thinking of life as a glass half empty, but rather, half full. You have so much to be grateful for, if only you took a moment to appreciate it. Anything is possible in the mind of a positive thinker.
And this is where I swing and miss completely, like Mark Trumbo chasing a slider low and away. When I was 9 I signed up for baseball for the first time. For some reason I was drafted to the Majors (10-12-year-olds) although I couldn’t hit a lick. As the first half of the season came to a close I was hitless. I’d go home and tell my parents I’d never get a hit. Eventually it all clicked, I ripped the first hit of my career to the left-field gap for a double and eventually moved from a three-inning platoon player to the starting third baseman who slammed a home run in a city championship game at the end of that season.
That same line of negative thinking feels like it’s stuck with me. Unless things are going well, my instinctive reaction is pessimism. I have a job (a soul-sucking one). I have a house (that we overpaid for and are stuck in). I have my health (I’m overweight, on anti-depressants, blood pressure medication and pop a thyroid pill). Those parenthetic notes highlight the pessimistic thoughts that over take things I should be grateful for.
So how do we just let go of things we’ve used to define our thinking and behavior for most of our lives? I don’t know. But I’m tired of letting these “things” determine who I am and what I do.
Unlike Fern’s assertion, my goal isn’t to achieve true happiness. Rather, I just want to be a big, dumb, happy-go-lucky cat. Happy, happy, joy, joy.
Before I jump into the weekend, a little story from Thursday. Following soccer class through the City (Gray likes to use his hands…a lot) we baby-sat my nephew, who is about four weeks younger than the twins. In that 90 minutes he pooped, so I was going to change him.
I saw him waddling towards the changing table in the twins’ bedroom. That’s not a good sign. Either it’s oozing out his diaper or he crapped the Rock of Gibraltar. I placed him on the changing table, removed his shorts and then froze. I can’t do this. I can deal with loads of poop stemming from my own kids’ tushes, but not others. And it’s totally different when they’re 2 compared to 9-months-old.
A crowd now developed in the bedroom. The twins wanted to hang out and experience it too. Those freaks. I stood staring at my nephew.
“I need a mask,” I thought out loud. My wife went on a mission. I continued to stare at my nephew. He stared back with a look like “What’s the hold up here?”
My wife returned after a couple of minutes with panties hanging on her fingers. I was desperate.
She hooked the strings around my ears and the fabric around my mouth and nose. I felt like a surgeon. As I began to operate, I gagged. It turns out my nephew had been backed up for a couple of days. Had we chipped down that poop, I’m 90 percent sure we would’ve found a diamond.
I finished cleaning up and dressed the boy. I was still wearing the mask.
“Daddy wears a mask,” Ellie observed. “He wears mommy’s panties for a mask.”
I’m sure this will come up again in 25 years when she’s in therapy.
And now on to the weekend…
Friday
Panoramic shot outside Angels Stadium 7/19/13.
Despite breaking up with the Angels last month, I still had previously purchased tickets lying around, so my buddy Ian and I attended the start of the second half of the season against the Oakland A’s. Mike Trout, Albert Pujols and Erick Aybar homered while Angels ace Jered Weaver tossed 6.2 innings of scoreless baseball which led the Halos to a 4-1 victory.
Saturday
A friend from college celebrated her birthday at Bobby D’s Bar and Grill in Lake Forest. My wife worked so I went alone. Located at the end of a strip mall, the Bobby D’s is a classic southern California dive bar adorned with ancient tube televisions and a handful of local regulars all 55 or over.
My friend and her boyfriend arrived to join me and my Bushmills and we caught up while the joint slowly filled up. My friend picked the place because it features karaoke. White butcher paper hung behind the stage with hand-written rules prohibiting the F word and swinging the microphone from the cord.
A mix of young, old and in between packed the bar. Five of the six singers I watched were really good. Unfortunately I had to leave before anyone from our party shined on stage.
Sunday
While my wife caught up on sleep, the twins and I played throughout the day. They were both in a good mood and especially enjoyed closing their bedroom door and playing alone. Which, as long as they’re not emptying the diaper trash or flinging folded clothes, is an awesome thing. It’s a sign of independence. They can entertain themselves for a bit and let us go ten minutes without a munchkin chirping in our ears for more pirates or “daddy hold you.”
Saints in Rehab at The Viper Room 7/21/13.
At night my buddies and I drove out to Hollywood to watch some friends of ours perform at The Viper Room. Their band, Saints in Rehab, rocked the famed tiny venue with their self-proclaimed wickedly styled, deadly funk rock. It was good to see familiar faces in the crowd. And that uber drunk chick hanging on her boyfriend as a crutch didn’t puke on me outside the club after the show. So it was a good night.
Tonight, the second half of the Major League Baseball season kicks off following a four-day break for the All-Star game. To celebrate the return of baseball, here is my favorite gif from the first half of the season.
That is Boston Red Sox reliever Koji Uehara (2-0, 1.70 ERA, 8 saves, 0.76 whip) pumped up following an appearance and slapping the silly out of a surprised innocent teammate. This is also what I do after I remember to take out the trash without my wife asking me.
CHOC Walk group, 2012.
Registration for the 2013 CHOC Walk in the Park recently began and team Iron Jax has been created. This year’s Walk will be Sunday, October 13 at 6:15 a.m. It will kick off at Disneyland’s Main Street U.S.A.
For those that don’t know, Jax passed away at CHOC’s pediatric intensive care unit. The entire staff was so compassionate to us and treated us with so much respect that this is our little way to give back to the hospital and the community in memory of our little hero.
What is the CHOC Walk?
The Children’s Hospital of Orange County annually raises funds to support the care, services, research and education that CHOC provides children. Last year more than 15,000 participants raise $2 million from the event, which was presented by Disneyland Resort.
The Walk is a 5k stroll through Disneyland, California Adventure and Downtown Disney. You do not receive entrance into the parks after the Walk, however, walkers have the chance to buy discounted tickets on the day of the event for later use. We took advantage of this last year and purchased park-hopper tickets for a signficant saving.
How to Register
To sign up, go here and click on “Join an Existing Team” as I’ve illustrated below.
Then, type in “Iron Jax” as the team name to join. This will bring you to a page that lists Kristina as the team captain. Click on Iron Jax and you’re on your way.
The next page will bring you to the Iron Jax main page. To sign up, click on “Join Team” link as shown below.
From there you have two options:
1. Individual Walker – No fee to sign up, but you must have raised a minimum of $50 by 10/12/13 to walk.
2. Register as a sleeping bear – This is for those that can’t make the walk but still want to raise funds under your team for the team and be eligible for prizes.
Choose your option, complete the New Registration section and you’re all set.
Sponsor a Walker
I’m resisting everything in my being to start making The Walking Dead jokes. Arrrgggghhhhhhhh.
Click on this link to sponsor a team or a walker. Under Team Name enter “Iron Jax”. Or, click on the team page here, select a registered participant and donate that way.
Iron Jax T-shirts
Iron Jax
More information to come for ordering t-shirts featuring the above logo, created by Sam Carter.
Must Read
CHOC created two pages worth reading before the event. Please refer to these pages for any questions that you may have:
Prizes
As an incentive, CHOC has laid out a prize structure which can be found here.
Thank you in advance for those that choose to take part in this event as a walker, fundraiser or donor. It means so much to our family to give back to the community in Jax’s memory.
Friday
After five days in Chicago, Friday was our first full day back home. We decided to hang out at home and play with the kiddos and be silly. Gray wanted to play some baseball while Ellie was busy innovating a new activity. She set their scooters next to each other, placed a foot on each and tried to move any direction she could. Which resulted in the splits half the time. She called it skateboarding.
I took the twins with me to grab some food so my wife could get 20 minutes of silence. On the way there, while listening to a CD of songs they like, Ellie asked me to turn the volume up. And I caught her doing this.
The 14 second mark gives me warm fuzzies each time I watch it.
After showers, Ellie came crying to me from the hallway.
“Daddy hold you,” she whined. That’s how she asks to be held.
I sat her on my lap on the couch and asked what happened. While still very upset, she said Gray messed up her hair. This is about five minutes after I finished brushing it and putting her pajamas on. It looked kind of disheveled, but barely.
“But baby, you still look cute,” I replied, trying to comfort her. Because looking cute IS ALREADY A BIG DEAL FOR HER. She’s 2. Ugh.
“NO, I DON’T LOOK CUTE!.” She was sobbing. Completely heart-broken. Gray popped in to check up on the action, Ellie bailed to find mommy, and I had to explain that she didn’t like it when he messed her hair up, and that it made her sad. He kind of smirked at me, as if to say “Fucking serious, Dad?”
And this gets worse in 11 more years?
Saturday
Gray caught The Lone Ranger commercial during breakfast.
“Pirate,” he said. “Jack Sparrow.”
“No,” I tried to correct him. “It’s an indian.”
“Captain Jack Sparrow,” he countered. “Pirate. And cowboy.”
He’s no dummy, Disney.
Ellie being bizarre on ride out to her great grandpa’s.
My wife’s family is visiting from Arkansas and Texas, so we went out to Pico Rivera to meet up with them. For most of their lives, the twins have been the youngest children in any group we’ve been in. They’ve been the babies. My wife’s cousin has a 16-month-old boy, so I explained to them that there’d be a baby around. Ellie was excited, while Gray wanted nothing to do with a baby. He seemed worried the baby would take his toys. (Which is the same concern Jax had the minute our twins came home from the hospital. And which is why he holed himself up in his room with the door closed like a 16-year-old trying to get some privacy).
We spent the entire day and night visiting, catching up and watching the kids play. Gray enjoyed finally not being the youngest. He would warn the baby about anything he thought was dangerous. Which really was just a way to keep the little one away from Gray’s interests.
Sunday
Visiting relatives somehow wiped us all out. I woke up a few minutes before 10 a.m. while the twins didn’t start yammering until 20 or 30 minutes later.
I was overdue for a hair cut so the twins and I allowed my wife some free time again as we went up to Great Clips for a trim. Ellie wants her hair cut so badly. While Gray threw a fit, Ellie rushed to get her sandals on and tag along with us. Mom won’t allow her thin blonde hair to be cut yet. And since I know nothing about a toddler girl’s hair, her decision goes.
My wife let Gray take her iPod touch, which at least got him in the van. But once his butt hit the booster seat inside the salon, he freaked. He cried, he tried to escape. All this despite falling in love with the hair stylists during our last trip. A few minutes after he got started it was my turn. Ellie sat and watched with a tinge of jealousy in her eyes.
Gray finished first and joined his sister in an empty chair next to me. I paid and tried to hustle the pair back out to the van, but Gray refused. I pretended to leave him, but he didn’t care. He’d hang out with those stylists all afternoon if I’d let him.
Anything to hang with the chicks, even at 2. And this too will get worse in 11 more years? Double ugh.