Bruschetta, a Grease Fire and a Siesta – How Was Your Weekend?

Friday

June 6 was our ten-year wedding anniversary. As you know, we were a little busy. June 7 marked our sixteenth year of our first date. So we still managed to celebrate on an anniversary date.

Before you roll your eyes and think we missed a big year, let me explain that we’re going to Chicago in July to celebrate appropriately. In the meantime, we enjoyed a terrific meal at Fullerton’s Roman Cucina. If you haven’t been, go. It’s a quaint, dark Italian restaurant with white lights, leather booths and a good-looking staff (for men and women). Start with the bruschetta. It’s ridiculously good.

Romancucina.com

Romancucina.com

We considered catching The Internship but I pictured the old head nod move in a dark theater, so we settled on Yogurtland back at the house.

Saturday

My mother-in-law took the twins to her house as my wife was scheduled to work and I had a “play date,” as my wife likes to tease, with some buddies.

As I came upon the 91 freeway I saw a sea of cars and brake lights. I looked at my phone and noticed an accident near an off ramp, so I attempted to get up to Green River by taking side streets. I hit a cul-de-sac and a parking lot for a business with an iron fence that separated about 20 gathered people from a white SUV that had gone down an embankment, a helicopter parked near an accident scene and at least five fire engines. As I drove upon the scene I saw maybe one hundred people out of their cars walking along the 91 freeway. Some had cameras, some were talking with others and all were trying to figure out what happened.

As did I. I got out of my car with every intention to ask the others among me. As I approached I got shy. Some seemed genuinely upset. I shamefully snapped a pic as well. A woman in front of me answered her phone and a few seconds later began to cry hysterically. She bent at the waist crying “No, no, no” repeatedly. I knew someone had died in the accident, and my guess was she knew the person(s). I got back in my car determined to take another freeway to my friend’s.

Later that night I found an article which explained that white SUV somehow veered off the freeway and struck a sedan parked on the shoulder with a 19-year-old male in the back seat with his seat belt on. That young man died.

I left the scene feeling somber, and I couldn’t kick that feeling the rest of the night. Typically car accidents don’t bother me. I have a job because of car accidents. But this was different. Maybe because I saw that woman crying on the phone, or I was so close to the scene, or because I see death in a different light now – whatever the reason – it shook me up.

My friend Munky is becoming a culinary creator, sparked with mentoring from his mom. We went to the Meat House in Brea which markets itself as a neighborhood butcher. The staff was super friendly and helpful and they had a big choice of meats. I settled for some steak tips and carne asada. Munky picked up some peppered bacon to chop up for his red potatoes, ranch and cheese side dish, which was so frickin’ good.

Munky calmly burns everything down.

Munky calmly burns everything down.

While grilling, he almost burned down the neighborhood. Pro tip: make sure to remove the bacon grease that catches in the aluminum foil before closing the lid.

We threw down some beers, caught up and watched both the Angels lose to the Boston Red Sox in the night-cap of a double-header and the Los Angeles Kings lose to the Chicago Blackhawks (it’s hockey, people) in the conference finals.

Sunday

My wife and I met my mother-in-law at Super Mex in Fullerton to pick up the twins. The joy of seeing them again is so pure and satisfying to the soul. They were excited to see us and in a great mood. But it quickly vanished when Gray started yelling in the restaurant and not listening.

After some shopping we made it home and the four of us managed a three-plus hour nap. It was divine.

I watched the Game of Thrones finale, which was uneventful compared to last week’s shocker. Until April of 2014, GoT (my guess). I bid ye farewell.

Pulp Duo, Mohrrior and a Red Wedding – How Was Your Weekend?

Friday

Yeah. I’ve got nothing.

Saturday

Saturday! Now Saturday I actually did some shit. In an effort to expand my capabilities at Bugs & Cranks I learned how to create an animated GIF, which is a digital image that moves. For example, this is a GIF (I pronounce it gif, like gift, but other weirdos say jif. Freaks). It is also how I felt after accomplishing my feat.

Courtesy of twistedsifter.com

Courtesy of twistedsifter.com

Seriously, I was that excited. You can find that post here.

As I previewed on Thursday, Orange County artist Sam Carter’s DUOS pop art gallery opened. My wife and I met Sam, his bride and a few friends at the Velvet Lounge (VLVT) in the Santa Ana Arts District. It’s a gay bar/lounge and night club with some damn fine food and a kick-ass happy hour. I threw down three $3 whiskey/Cokes. As my first gay bar experience, I can say that the only noticeable difference was that the number of glory hole jokes spiked drastically.

DUOS at F+ Gallery

DUOS at F+ Gallery

Over at F+ Gallery a food truck parked outside what looked like a condo or loft with an open garage stuffed with Sam’s DUOS art, a crowd and some more booze. Dos Equis in the green bottle for just a tip? Don’t mind if I have three. The pop art collection adorned the walls and I picked up this piece, from my favorite movie Pulp Fiction.

Jules and Vincent, DUOS by Sam Carter.

Jules and Vincent, DUOS by Sam Carter.

From there we met friends at the Irvine Improv to catch Jay Mohr’s 9 p.m. comedy show. He killed it. I love it when comedians go up there without a plan, and just let the crowd drive them. My lame-ass started nodding off in the middle of a long bit about how Mohr hates musicians talking during concerts. WHO DOES THAT? IT’S A LIVE COMEDY SHOW, AND IT’S FUNNY, AND I CAN’T KEEP MY EYES OPEN. F me.

Jay Mohr too close to my wife.

Jay Mohr too close to my wife.

Our friends and my wife grabbed some pictures with Mohr while I secured a patio table at the Yard House. Naturally I was wide awake to split a pastrami sandwich. I hate me.

Sunday

Mark Trumbo homered. Angels lost. Photo by Matt Brown/Angels Baseball LP.

Mark Trumbo homered. Angels lost. Photo by Matt Brown/Angels Baseball LP.

My buddy Ian and I sat through the Angels’ third straight loss to the Houston Astros. For those of you that don’t realize that magnitude of shittiness this means, let me spell it out. The Astros are the worst team in the American League. The only other team in baseball worse than the Astros is the Miami Marlins. And the only reason they’re worse is because they have the worst owner in baseball, traded all but one of their good players to the Toronto Blue Jays and pretty much field a Triple-A minor league team.

Yet the Angels are off losing three in a row to the FUCCCKKKINNNNGG Astros. It’s the Astros. I will put it in perspective for those of you that watched Dancing With the Stars. The Angels are like gold-medal winning Olympic gymnast Alexandra Raisman. She had all the tools to win but couldn’t put it together. And she’s a sexy competitor. But she finished fourth. The Astros are like Wynonna Judd. Pure country, completely boring and no skill. Now, imagine Wynonna beating Ali head-to-head in a ballroom dancing competition. Okay, expand that brain-cramping exercise to three-straight wins. STAY WITH ME. Don’t fall out of your chair. This is the domain I live in. And the Astros will likely win tonight to make it four in a row. Fmylife.com.

Gold member, baby.

Gold member, baby.

We walked around Angel Stadium to grab some sandwiches and came across the season seat holder wall (unofficial title). We are now gold members. Which has absolutely zero perks. In 2032 we’ll be promoted to the next level. Hopefully one with a wheelchair ramp.

mother hell

I’m typing this on Sunday night. My wife from an alternate universe just Tweeted this:

 

Fifteen minutes later my buddy Brandon IM’d me that it was the greatest Game of Thrones episode of all time.

SPOILER ALERT!!!!!!!!!! If you haven’t watched Sunday’s episode, don’t read beyond this GIF. Stop here, enjoy the dragons, watch the episode and then come back and read the rest.

Courtesy of gameofgifs.tumblr.com/

Courtesy of gameofgifs.tumblr.com/

Game of Thrones Shiznit

  • I’ve never played chess, but bring me those awesome pieces the Starks used to strategize and I will Bobby Fischer your shit, sir.
  • I really need a bigger TV. This 32-incher ain’t cutting it (that’s what she said…if she was a blue whale).
  • I also want my own wolf.
  • Oh shit John Snow left his ginger.
  • Ever feel like watching this show is like watching a hockey game? Petyr Baelish (Little Finger, the shady guy that counsels the King and runs a brothel) might as well be a defensemen for the Toronto Maple Leafs. And when they start fighting, it’s as hard as tracking a puck. Who’s who? Let’s mix it up, shirts and skins, or green vs hot pink?
  • That Stark relative (again, no idea on a name) forced to marry won the medieval Powerball compared to his bride’s sisters.
  • A sword needs a sheath. Best euphemism.
  • And wtfffffff is with the bedding ceremony custom? Really? Congrats on getting married, now have sex with everyone at the party? YES, IT IS STRANGE, ROB STARK! Make a new tradition. OF NOT DOING THAT.
  • Holyyyyyyyyyy ambush ohhhhhhh shiittttttt that just happened?? OHHHH SHITTTTTT.

I jumped online immediately after the episode to discuss with Brandon.

Seth: finished watching it
Brandon: Nice day…for a red wedding?
Seth: fucking brutal
Brandon: Surprised my wife didn’t get all butt hurt
Brandon: I thought it was awesome. What made The Wire awesome.
Brandon: No one…safe…ever.
Brandon: No matter how central they seemed
Seth: yes
Brandon: Pretty bummed we never got to see Jeyne naked but once.
Brandon: I enjoyed it the only time!
Seth: I’m so bad with the names. Which is Jeyne?
Brandon: Robb Stark’s wife
Seth: I thought we did
Brandon: Only one time
Brandon: I wanted more
Seth: greedy bastard
Seth: stop shaving so you can end up looking like that wildling with the big red beard
Brandon: Unfortunately
Brandon: I am clean shaven
Brandon: I shaved a couple weeks ago
Seth: That’s what I’m saying
Seth: I told you to stop shaving.
Brandon: 9.5 years
Brandon: Clean shaven now

Actress Emilia Clarke plays Daenerys Targaryen.

Actress Emilia Clarke plays Daenerys Targaryen.

Brandon: Also

Brandon: Emilia Clarke
Brandon: Should be naked each and every episode
Brandon: And I will do my best to not be bitter that Seth McFarlane bangs her
Seth: yeah it’s bullshit when she’s not
Seth: And I have a fair offer: dragons or nekkid. I’ll take one or the other.
Brandon: That is my ONLY gripe of the show
Brandon: Is that we go 2-3 episodes
Seth: At least some Seth is getting her.
Brandon: Without seeing characters
Seth: My only gripe is not enough draggons.
Seth: and going one episode without b00bz
Brandon: My wife downloaded the books tonight
Brandon: So she will be a spoiler nerd now
Brandon: Yeah I think this is the 2nd episode this season without boobs
Seth: way too many
Brandon: Last time the next episode had lots of boobage though

You get the gist. Remember…men are pigs.

Chow, Brunch and BBQ – How Was Your Weekend?

Before I get to the weekend, if you missed Bugs & Cranks posts from last week:

This is a real promotional item.

This is a real promotional item.

  • Mike Trout hit for the cycle and I broke down every Angels cycle in franchise history here.
  • I gave some alternate Angels giveaway ideas, since this Mike Trout hat looks so stupid.
  • You can find all of my Bugs & Cranks posts here.

Friday

Drinks + a movie starting after 8 pm = Sleepy Seth. It’s a formula that never fails, no matter how much I fight it. From what I could tell, The Hangover III was meh. It sure wasn’t enough to keep me awake, but I’m also the guy that slept through Jurassic Park III in its entirety. Really, all I saw was the first ten minutes, if that. Surround sound and fierce dinosaurs be damned. I didn’t wake up until the credits.

Meh

Meh.

I mostly stayed awake for The Hangover III but head-nodded my way through the middle. Basing a script around Chow pretty much kills any chance that I’d enjoy the movie. He’s a good bit character, but that’s it. I don’t think it’s a coincidence that each movie in the series got worse as it increased Chow time. David Blaustein at ABC News is right on with his review of Chow and the movie.

Seth’s Review: Wait for it to hit Netflix or HBO/Starz/Cinemax/Showtime, or borrow someone else’s copy.Just don’t pay for it.

Saturday

Lazy day. Ran some errands. Took a nap. Went out to eat since Gray and Ellie begged “to go for a ride.” Two families shared a table directly behind us with the parents on one side and kids at the other. A 7-year-old played with her parent’s smart phone and Gray picked up that Mickey Mouse was somehow involved. So for the next 15 minutes I had to keep him from turning around to watch the show. Which is irritating. Our food was out and it was time to eat but his back corkscrewed towards the hypnotizing glow. A fork finally brought his full attention to his chicken strips.

I use my iPhone a lot. My wife hates it. So I’m not one of those purists against technology or anything. Maybe it’s just the old guy in me coming out. But does a 7-year-old really need to watch a show or play a game in the restaurant, especially when she’s there with other kids her age? Say it’s a toddler or two with just mom and dad. I can kind of get it, since there’s a decent chance that toddler will scream and yell and distract other patrons in the restaurant. But a 7-year-old? It irked me.

Earlier in the year, Henry Yates, a British journalist wrote the following in The Telegraph as he questioned the use of iPads at the dinner table.

“I reckon we’ve got to fight against the easy option,” he writes. “As work’s tentacles encroach on our family time (tentacles facilitated, it has to be said, by on-the-move access to emails), our mealtimes are becoming one of the few isolated chances to really connect with our kids. You know, the old-fashioned stuff: talking to them, listening to them, asking about the school cake sale, humouring their daft little stories punctuated by endless ‘ums’ and ‘ers’. Strengthening your family’s foundations for the buffeting to come.”

The phone/tablet is the easy option. That struck a chord with me. Give your kids the chance to enjoy eating out, talking, coloring and people watching (Gray’s favorite). If that doesn’t work, then light the beautiful brats’ faces up with your gadget. Note to self: weave “daft” into my writing more often.

Sunday

A day date for the wife and I. We brunched it up at Goodfella’s Cafe in Corona and followed that with a viewing of The Great Gatsby. Two movies in three days crushes my previously projected figure of two in one year. Now Gatsby is a movie to spend your cash on in the theater, as the visuals and experience are that good. Plus, Lenardo (Hi, Munky) DiCaprio is super dreamy. Did his orange face look like it was rubbing off to anyone else?

That is, unless you have a Blu-ray and a kick-ass HD TV (which I don’t). Or weed (which I don’t). Tom Long summed it up nicely.

I completely agree.

I completely agree.

Memorial Day

We went to my wife’s grandpa’s place in Pico Rivera for a barbecue (burgers and ‘dogs). She had to work at night so my mother-in-law kept the twins over night at her place so I could get to work on time in the morning.

The Angels and Dodgers began a four-game freeway series at Dodger Stadium and this guy blew a 6-1 Angels lead to snap an eight-game win streak.

 

Isn’t it always a bad time to have a bad game, C.J.? In a pissy mood the rest of the night, I wandered around the house aimlessly. My grand ideas of a night home alone evaporated. I just wasted three-plus hours to watch the Angels blow that game. Shit.

With work on the horizon, I’ll go nod off to Mad Men and dreams of Joan Holloway throwing airplanes at my desk.

Soooooo so hot.

Sugar Rush, Nemo and Pirates – How Was Your Weekend?

Friday

We returned to Yogurtland with the twins after a night out at one of the most charming, unique and culinary creative restaurants in our area – Chili’s. There’s something about my boys and ice cream that just don’t jive. And I know, it’s not Ice Creamland, but for our 2-year-olds, it’s all the same.

Jax wasn’t much of a sweets kid. To be fair, we didn’t push sugar on him at all, and when he did taste it, he was indifferent. The only time he really cared about candy was just after Halloween when he was 3. Rather than napping he raided his Halloween bucket. When I found him, blue Pixy Stix dust led me to him hiding in the corner of the front room. Paper straws circled him. He was whistling Lucy in the Sky With Diamonds.

Similarly, Gray isn’t in to processed sweets. He prefers fruits and Teddy Grahams. Ellie, however, would eat donuts and pancakes for every meal if she could. So when we told her we were going for ice cream, her face lit up.

“Ice CREAM?” She emphasized the cream. We hunkered down with two buckets of yogurt to shovel into our mouths. Meanwhile, Gray’s anti-sugar protest led him to people watch, one of his favorite past times. He turned down multiple offers of whatever menage of flavors I mixed. Can’t blame him. The coconut was a tad off.

Saturday

The t-ball class ended, mercifully. Ellie came out with her best focus of the “season”. She ran the bases with determination, rarely sat down and never asked to be carried. I mean, that’s a good day even for Hanley Ramirez. Gray, however, asked to be benched. Or car-seated for a 2-year-old.

After his first at-bat I had to restrain him from sitting with his teammates. He ran the bases with my hand clasped around his wrist. I yanked him off the ground a couple of times, too. In the field, he refused to get off his toosh, and instead chose to leave. I walked him to the van, strapped him in his seat and drove closer to the field. I rolled the windows down in the van and watched the rest of the game under a shaded tree about 50 feet from Gray.

Between innings I checked on Gray. Softly, he asked to get up. I explained he could only get up if he was going to play. He agreed. I unbuckled him, he requested his glove and we walked back to the field. He finished the game at first base. He paid attention, only laid down once and didn’t fight when I demanded he get up.

Ellie and her medal

Ellie and her medal

Their coach distributed participatory medals, I snapped some photos and let each of them hit off the tee once more.

We hiked up the hill towards the parking lot. I looked back and Gray waived “Bye, t-ball.” Ellie did the same. The field was now empty. Just us on the hill with the twins waiving good-bye.

Gray, Coach and Ellie

Gray, Coach and Ellie.

My wife worked so the twins and I rocked movie night. Finding Nemo was the feature flick, which they hadn’t seen before. Some highlights:

  • Gray asked what happened to Nemo’s mom. “She died and went to heaven,” I explained. He stared a bit, but the answer sufficed.
  • I kept having to explain the difference between Nemo and his dad. You see, my twins are racists against ichthyoids. They all look the same. (Ichthyoids are fish, save your complaints)
  • We almost watched The Fox And The Hound but my wife thought older Disney movies would be too slow for 2-year-olds. Gray and Ellie hung in there all the way through, but were definitely more restless compared to watching Toy Story. A 6.5 jolt on the Richter Scale doesn’t stand a chance against Buzzy and Woody.
  • Mommy called during the movie to say good night. Before she hung up, frustrated from button smashing and toddlers screaming on speaker phone, I caught a glimpse of 13-year-old Ellie.
Ellie chatting with Mom

Ellie chatting with Mom

Sunday

Gray is suddenly obsessed with Jake and The Never Land Pirates. Saturday morning he and Ellie complained about watching baseball (again) so I found one of the Pirates of the Caribbean flicks on HBO. I don’t think he took a bite for ten minutes, he was so enthralled. He started yapping about Captain Hook, wanting a pirate boat and a hat. He also wanted to go to Disneyland.

I enjoy feeding my kids’ interests so while my wife napped after a night at work we went on a shopping spree. We need to find a church before summer ends because if this keeps up I’ll be selling the Camry and biking it to work.

We returned with Bucky the pirate ship and a Jake costume. Ellie scored yet another Minnie Mouse doll. This one came with velcro bows to decorate her with.

Gray will pillage your shit.

Gray will pillage your shit.

At night we were to go to my parents for a joint birthday celebration (mine, my wife’s and my sister’s). My nephew, Liam, is also 2 and would be there. After his nap, Gray carried that sword around the house hollering “LET’S GO!” (Jake’s catch phrase is Yo Ho, Let’s Go.) My wife styled his hair before we left and Gray prepped for a confrontation he expected later that evening.

“No, Liam. Stop. No sword. Stop, Liam.” Apparently Gray was a tad anxious Liam would try to plunder his beloved new toy.

We coaxed Gray to leave the sword in the minivan at my parents. During pajama time I caved and delivered the sword to him. He sipped his milk on the couch with my mom when Liam hopped up next to him. Please don’t stab him in the eye, I thought. If he was a cat, Gray would’ve hissed. He had some mumbling words for Liam, the sword clenched in his red-fisted grip. Liam just wanted to sit next to his cousin and watch television. The lad’s swag would be safe this night.

Mother’s Day, Beerarita and Horse Poo – How Was Your Weekend?

Rose Canyon Cantina & Grill in Trabuco Canyon.

Rose Canyon Cantina & Grill in Trabuco Canyon.

Friday

I spent half the day in bed sleeping off stomach issues and flu-like body soreness before picking up my sister and her son to go celebrate my mom for Mother’s Day. Meanwhile, my wife helped her grandpa complete the patio project.

We met my parents at Rose Canyon Cantina & Grill, tucked away in Trabuco Canyon seemingly in the middle of nowhere. If you’re familiar with Cook’s Corner – aka a perfect filming spot for Sons of Anarchy – it’s right near there. If you ever wanted to go to Charming, take the drive.

The bar and restaurant filled up quickly with a mix of young and old celebrating the end of a week. Everyone was white, which gives you an idea of the flavor of the food – mild. It definitely needs a zesty boost. The atmosphere, however, is not as bland. Patio tables surround crooked trees dressed with white lights, horses strut up the adjacent dirt road and life seems slower. Simpler. The salsa’s pretty good, so go for drinks, appetizers and deep-fried ice cream and skip the entrée.

Crooked tree in the patio.

Crooked tree in the patio.

After grubbing the three kids played out front on a rock fountain to burn off energy. Two young women on horses stopped by to let the toddlers ohh and ahh over the horsies before clopping away.

After hugs and kisses good-bye the twins and I loaded into our minivan, rolled down the windows and moon roof and cranked up the stereo as we weaved through the canyon on a gorgeous night.

“Hmm,” I thought to myself, about ten minutes into the ride home. “It really smells like horse shit.”

I must have driven by a fresh load. We are in the country after all. Five minutes later I felt my right sandal stick as I lifted my foot from the gas pedal.

Weird. The same thing happened when I stopped applying the brakes and moved my foot back to the gas. I sniffed, bracing myself for a huge dose of crap. Nothing.

Now, my sandal is sticking more and more and I can imagine smushed horse dung smeared all over my shoe, the floor and the pedals. This is disgusting. I wanted to look to make sure but it was too dark and the curvy road was too dangerous to take my eyes from.

I called my wife on the way home. I’d need help bringing the kids inside as I hobbled on one shitless sandal. She was still at her grandpa’s. Crap. Gas station. I’ll go to the gas station and use their paper towels, their soaped up squeegee and their trash can. Brilliant.

We pulled off the freeway. “Gas?” the twins inquired. Yes, you observant little bugs. But we’re not getting gas. I parked the van, turned off the ignition and gently lifted my foot from the brake, fearful of spreading shit on the carpet, door or my leg. The white flourescent lights illuminated my sandal as I twisted my ankle to get a good look at the damage. I wondered if it’d be brown, yellow, green or a mash-up of the three.

It was gum. Just gum. That initial stank wasn’t in the van after all. Best news ever.

Saturday

You know what doesn’t go well in 90 degree weather? T-ball and toddlers. Neither Gray nor Ellie cried, unlike a few of the other players, but at one point Ellie begged me to carry her around the bases and Gray just refused to even hold the bat in his final plate appearance. Next Saturday is the last “game.” The forecast is 89 degrees. I smell a repeat.

While everyone napped I wrote another post at Bugs & Cranks.

At night we met my wife’s family at Super Mex in Lakewood for a belated birthday celebration for my wife and I. Super Mex is the polar opposite of Rose Canyon Cantina – all flavor, no atmosphere. I enjoyed a “beerarita” which enthralled Ellie.

Ellie wanted a drink. Badly.

Ellie wanted a drink. Badly.

We drove back to my wife’s grandpa’s house for desert and presents and I left with a glorious BeerTender. I felt my liver slightly twinge when the twins ripped open the wrapping paper.

Krups BeerTender

Krups BeerTender. Be very jealous.

Sunday

Sunday was weird. As mentioned before, our church is closing as a result of financial difficulties. Sunday was the “series finale” as our pastor themed it, and it didn’t disappoint. Old, familiar faces returned for one last reunion, there was laughter, tears and suspense-filled drama. I won’t get into the details as to protect other people’s privacy, but it sure beat the hell out of the Seinfeld finale. My wife alerted me to the fact that I haven’t really given justice to the impact Christian Life Fellowship made on me and what I’m feeling. I suppose at some point in the near future that’s a topic to address. Just not in this space.

And of course, it was Mother’s Day. The first Mother’s Day without Jax for my wife. She could probably fill 2,000 words with her views of Sunday, but she’s all private like and would probably spell Tearz with a “S.” That’s no fun. But it’d be infinitely more heart felt.

It was a subdued celebration. We met her mom, her brother and his girlfriend at Buca di Beppo where my wife said she almost punched out an elderly lady with an arm sling in the parking lot because she couldn’t wait 30 more seconds for my wife to finish packing up Gray and the restaurant supplies before slithering into her car. I love it when my wife gets fired up.

Exhausted from the day’s emotions, we all slept until 7:30 p.m. before doing dinner and showers and finished up with Dennis Rodman creaming his pants on The Apprentice.

Bikin’, Boozin’ Birthday – How Was Your Weekend?

Friday

I turned (inaudible mumble) years old on Friday. My wife’s friends from the hospital had tickets to Disney on Ice Treasure Trove at the Long Beach Convention Center so they let our munchkins join in with them while we celebrated at dinner.

We walked from the Convention Center to 555 East American Steakhouse, creatively named after its street address and the type of food it serves. Why not call it Steaks Served Here or something?  We walked in a few minutes after 7:30. It was busy but not packed by any means so we probably didn’t need to make reservations. Inside it’s dim lighting with dark wood and felt classy. Our table was the near the front window where it was lit better.

555 East American Steakhouse

555 East American Steakhouse

I began with a Sicilian Old Fashioned which is Woodford Reserve bourbon, Fratelli Averna Amaro, pieces of fruit and a splash of soda. Imagine bourbon without the bite, but rather sweetness mixed with orange pulp shooting up a thin straw like a snake swallowing a rabbit. I was less adventurous on my second drink and ordered Woodford Reserve with three cubes.

My wife and I are different eaters. She enjoys the basics, tried and true food she knows she likes and she’s content. I’d rather take those elements and add a bunch of other shit I like with it. So I ordered the Prime Culotte steak Oscar Style, which means it’s served on a bed of asparagus, topped with chunks of crab and slathered in béarnaise sauce. It was epic. The garlic mashed potatoes adjoining the steak were creamy and mixed well with star of the plate on every bite.

Prime Culotte Oscar Style

Prime Culotte Oscar Style

We made it back to the Convention Center before the end of the show. My wife had to pee so we snuck in to the performing arts section of the building before heading back outside. A few minutes later the show ended. We ran into our friend Ryan who led us beyond security guards at the doors and through a sea of guests trying to exit to our families taking pictures in front of the stage area. The moms detailed Gray and Ellie’s excited reactions to the show, we all chatted and made it back out front after security asked us to leave.

We talked outside some more as the kids played. Gray came over, asked me to pick him up and told me about the show and talked about all the girls. I asked if there was a pretty girl and he confirmed. I put him down and asked me to show him who was pretty and he immediately pointed to an 8-year-old with blonde curled hair and sparkling blue eyes. Then he stomped on her foot, as if a script writer from the 1940s wanted a school boy to flirt with a school girl. So he’s off his cougar kick – for now.

We ended the night with our first experience at Yogurtland, changed the twins into pajamas in a nearby parking lot and watched girls cut through the lot in their best clubbing outfits. I told Gray they were going to go shake their booties and he legitimately got upset and said “No mommies shake their booties.” So he’s a flirt that but he respects you, ladies.

Saturday

We all slept in after a late night and then made it to another t-ball class. Not enough kids showed up on the other team so we had to split up. Due to the few in attendance each child got more at-bats, but Gray and Ellie dragged and it showed. Ellie melted down in the last inning and I held her out in the field, her head on my shoulder, which she never does.

At night we had plans to meet up with my wife’s work crew to celebrate other birthdays. In addition to mine on Friday, Ryan’s was Saturday and my wife’s is on Tuesday. We met back in Long Beach at K.C. Branaghan’s to start. Avoid that place unless the price of a dollar means nothing to you. Jager bombs, which the wife and I tossed back to start, are $10 each and a Jack and Coke is $8, which is pretty ridiculous if you consider that we’re not  on the Las Vegas strip and it’s a beach Irish bar, not a trendy club in downtown Los Angeles.

Long Beach PediWagon awaits us.

Long Beach PediWagon awaits us.

Waiting for us after we left was a 15-person bicycle from Long Beach PediWagon powered by us, the drunkards, and steered by a captain from the company. The bike had a stereo and a bar table with cup holders. Drinking isn’t allowed due to recent advice from the Long Beach Police Department but if you wanted to smuggle your own in a Taco Bell cup or water bottle full of “just orange juice” then the table worked nicely. PROTIP: If you get a little loose with your sandals, like I do, store them above your seat and pedal barefoot, or else you’ll lose it in the middle of of 2nd Street. And it might happen twice.

We pedaled our way to four miles per hour, blocked the right lane of traffic up and down 2nd Street and hopped from bar to bar to refuel. The Mayweather-Guerrero fight kept us out of a few bars due to cover charges so we dumped our money into the friendly establishments that didn’t air the fight. And that turned out to be plenty before we biked our way back to our starting point and stumbled into Crow’s Nest, a dive bar with affordable drinks.

The night ended at the Harbor House Cafe in Sunset Beach. I swear we were the oldest people there by a good ten years. A burger and fries helped ease my stomach for an uneventful, passed out ride home. Which is always a good end to the night.

Sunday

Every joint in my body ached. Every. Single. Joint. My shoulders, my low back, my elbows. It’s what happens now when I drink. The dehydration from boozing the night before sucks the life out of me. Still, the twins and I made it to church for our second to last service before it closes.

I spent the rest of the day relaxing these old bones and watched the Angels lose. Again.

Ice Cream, Woody and Consignment – How Was Your Weekend?

Friday

I’m notorious for falling asleep while driving. I’ve caused two rear-end accidents as a result of nodding off. Coincidentally, insane traffic on the 261 toll road in Orange County helped me ram both vehicles at about the same spot – just beyond the sensor at the peak of the hill if you know the area. The last occurrence was about eight years ago.

My commute home Friday almost snapped that streak. Fortunately I opened my eyes soon enough to slam on my brakes just before impacting that large pick-up truck. F me.

My wife picked some things up at the store after the twins went to bed and surprised me with Baskin Robbins. She got me baseball nut. It’s one of those quirky things I’ve liked since I was a kid. It’s seasonal for the baseball season, or at least used to be, with vanilla ice cream, cashews and a black raspberry ribbon. And it’s fanfuckingtastic.

Baskin Robbins' Baseball Nut.

Baskin Robbins’ Baseball Nut.

Saturday

T-ball class seems less and less of an adventure every week. Gray and Ellie’s attention is slowly improving (I emphasize the slow). But we’re used to Jax. He didn’t care about water breaks. He wasn’t running away from me in the outfield. And he knew where first base was.

Gray’s been begging to watch “Buzz and Woody” for a bit, so I told him when it got dark we could watch Toy Story 3 as the wife worked. He and Ellie grabbed their Woody and Jessie dolls and settled on the couch for movie night. I pecked away on the iPad nearby and joined them for the last ten minutes. And cried like a baby.

I last saw the film in the theater when it was released in the summer of 2010. My wife and I took Jax as he was obsessed with Toy Story at the time. He sat on my lap and didn’t budge the entire time. He was in awe. I bawled my eyes out then, too, but this was different. When Andy dropped his box of toys off at Bonnie’s house the whole thing thing reminded me of Jax. How he used to want “Andy” written on the bottom of his cowboy boots. It reminded me of his own super imagination.

And when Bonnie and her mom go inside the house and the toys sit up to watch Andy drive off to college, it symbolized Jax leaving this earth. Leaving my world. The achy heart I buried clawed itself out of the ground like a Friday the 13th movie, pried my mouth open, jumped inside and was stuck in my throat.

Ellie was sitting against my stomach and looked up and back at me.

“Daddy sad?” she asked. She’s used to this. She’s used to looking at sadness. I confirmed and she turned back to the TV to watch the credits.

Woody and friends watch Andy drive off to college.

Woody and friends watch Andy drive off to college.

Sunday

The twins and I left my wife alone to sleep for a few hours. We went to church and discovered the closing date will be May 12. Afterwards I made the mistake of letting them walk (while holding my hand) in Target to pick up some packing tape. Holy crap was that a bad idea. Ellie turned into a 14-year-old and refused to hold my hand and Gray at one point shrilled in my ear because I picked him up. There was mass chaos.

After finally returning home and getting them to nap, I wrote my first post for Bugs & Cranks, which you can find here.

After the wife woke up we drove out to Huntington Beach to drop off items we’re selling at the Urban Kids Consignment sale next weekend. If you or a friend are looking for good deals on used clothes, toys or other accessories for children, you should hit it up. I can’t speak for all of the items, but what we’re selling is in great condition.

When we left, Ellie kept yelling at me from her car seat for a restaurant. That’s just kind of how she communicates now. She’ll yell. It’s super fun. We landed at Red Lobster. Toward the end of our meal I felt a strong tap on my left shoulder. I turned around to find an elderly woman, roughly 80, right in my face.

“You better watch out for that one,” she said. My mind scrambled. The hell is she talking about? “He’s been flirting with me the whole time.”

It’s Gray. Okay, phew. No one’s in trouble.

“He definitely likes the ladies,” I replied with an uncomfortable grin.

At home, my wife asked Gray about girls at the restaurant. He muttered “pretty”. I had no idea he knew that word. Then I thought of that elderly woman. Gray likes cougars. Beware, ladies.